Illusive Peace

This installment was  recently released in Pastor Thomas McDaniels Blog the “Favored Life”.  It was an honor to to appear as a guest blogger there.

Spiritual and religious practices seemed to lack in the arena of personal fulfillment.  Peace is something I value more than anything else in life. Throughout my adulthood I had only momentary encounters with it. Peace was a brief moment in the woods, by the Puget Sound listening to the lovely song of loons, or viewing a glorious sunset over the Pacific Ocean.

The inner turmoil of my childhood tormented me; no matter how hard I tried to stuff the pain down and lock it in to vault in some dark corner of my heart. Peace never lasted!

Over the years I have been to several counselors and applied a variety of inner healing techniques with minimal results. The presence of peace was defined in my life was primarily defined by serine nature sittings or the far and few in between still or quite moments with friends or lovers. Inner turmoil seemed to be more a way of life for me than anything else and peace was momentary and most often illusive.

The strongest connection I made to peace of mind was to medicate.  The forms of medication I used to avoid facing my pain included, drinking, women, not being alone, and abandoning myself in to a variety of social justice issues. The causes I chose to be involved in were fueled by own pain. I worked with at-risk youth, because they needed an advocate who understood them and someone who cared about them.   Just as I need someone as a child.  I stood on the side of gay rights issues because I needed those in my world to understand and accept me.  Pain can be a powerful motivator!   The weird thing about pain is unless you face it and deal with it will destroy you.  Slowly my pain was destroying me and my need to be loved and nurtured drove me to find another partner.

Peace was illusive at best. Although I was surrounded by people, full of good causes and committed relationships, I felt very alone in this world.

Are you also lonely?  Are you living a secret life that leaves you feeling empty or alone.

I would love to help and connect with some life-changing keys that have changed my life.

Please leave your comments below.

~ by hopespassage on December 5, 2011.

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