The Knowledge of Good and Evil; was it worth it?

My faith was transforming me from the inside out.  At times it seemed like a strenuous game of tug-of-war.

There have been points where it would have been easier to just the abandon the questions within me than to face the raw and honest truth of the process.  Oh how many times I have wanted to turn back to that which was of familiar and comfortable; than to venture out into this new faith and transformation. As I became gut level honest; I needed to face the pain locked down within me.  As I began to process many root cause became evident.  Yet I had an encounter with the source of life and this drove me forward to gain insight.

Was I willing to surrender what which I esteemed to be true about myself in light of the truth of God’s word about sexuality?  Grant it there are varying opinions on the topic of gender identity ranging from it is a choice and homosexuals are the worst sinners on the face of the planet; to God created you gay and it’s OK.    Where was the balance? What was the truth on the subject? Bear with me as lay out my thoughts the story of the fall and sin are crucial to the conclusions I have drawn.

Reading about the biblical account of creation paints the picture of a perfect environment where God, man and beast dwelt together in harmony.  Man had relationship with the creator and purpose.  Yet the following verse in Genesis chapter 2 struck me as odd.

16 But the LORD God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden— 17 except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”

Death seemed like a heavy consequences for eating fruit from a tree.  What was the big deal about the Tree-of-Knowledge-of -Good -and -Evil?   As I continued on with my study of Psalms 139, I came face to face with the whole sin issue.  In the Genesis chapter three the Tree- of -Knowledge take center stage.  Also a new player appears a serpent who has the ability to talk with the man and woman.  I wanted, no I needed to know about this serpent he is not mentioned prior to this event.  Bible scholars seem to agree that the serpent is satan and also referred to as the great deceiver.  satan is commonly thought to be a fallen angel who was booted out of heaven because he wanted to overthrow God and rule heaven himself.

Interesting that God would allow a creature who sought to overthrow him to live and yet commanded his prized creations not to eat of a certain fruit and be condemned to death.   The same fruit that the serpent/deceiver temps Eve with.  Was it the fruit I think not?  Was it the power of knowledge?  I wrote those questions in my journal in 2010, what I have concluded since that time is that it was the knowledge of good and evil.  The death God spoke of was not immediate physical death but rather spiritual.  the perfect world was shattered with one-act of I can become like God I can achieve the knowledge of good and evil.    Things drastically shifted is seen in

Genesis 3:  7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

Shame, innocence lost.

8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

the question was not where are you but rather why are you hiding from me?

10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”

Fear to reveal who we have become because of our own actions.

11 “Who told you that you were naked?” the LORD God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?”

12 The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.”     

13 Then the LORD God asked the woman, “What have you done?”

“The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.”

Blame and evasiveness!   Knowledge of good and evil; was it worth it?

What have you done not so much a question from the creator; but rather an exclamation of horror.  Gods heart-broken by the man and woman’s actions. The choices of each character spun humanity into a downward spiral that we have not recovered from.   Adam and Eve bore not only the death of their harmonious relationship with God but additionally their peaceful complimentary relationship became one of competition and strife.  Thus the cycle of sin was born.  Knowledge of good and evil; was it worth it?

The next thought that hit me took my breath away.  Was it possible that the serpent’s intent in deceiving humanity was revenge against God? What better plot than to turn those who bore His image against him.  Hold on now, does this make men and women pawns in a cosmic chess game?  That stopped me in my tracks.   Certainly not, after all I am person of choice with a brain in my head.  I could not shake that Adam and Eves actions had impact could have carried through history directly to me.  I was also disturbed by the thought that we as humans could be deceived.

Was it  possible that the greatest revenge taken by satan was destroy men and women’s  sexual identity and deceive them into thinking that they were worthless in the sight of God.  That men and women were created to ultimately relate to each in an intimacy. Could the cycle of sin have broken us relation-ally in every conceivable manner.   Yeah, that tore me up for several months.

If this was true, then my whole identity was a lie.

~ by hopespassage on February 28, 2012.

6 Responses to “The Knowledge of Good and Evil; was it worth it?”

  1. I don’t understand the last statement: which identity was a lie?

    • Paulpla

      I began to question if how I as a gay person identified myself was actually a lie I had brought into. It is far more complex than that my next blog will expound upon my process.

  2. You should read this book:

    If you do, please contact me to discuss when you finish.

    Warmest regards,


  3. I am encouraged that there is more to life than the past. Your stuff makes me think and gives me hope. thanks

    • Susan thanks for your comment. We are more than our sexuality, we are more than whatever we have identified ourselves or with. In Jesus we are made new

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