Facing the Raw Truth

Many questions remained and many issues were surfacing that needed answers and attention.

One key question was did God intentionally create me gay?  If not then what was the answer?

I have always believed that sexuality could best be explained in the following manner environment, choices, and genetics with the emphasis on genetics. Did my thoughts align with God’s intention and design for sexuality?  I had weighted genetics somewhere between 85-90% with the remaining 10-15% left to environment and choices.

However, as I became aware of my own relational brokenness; I was challenged to look at root causes such as environment, perspective, genetics and yes choices.  After all, this is the stuff that makes us who we are.  Why then would sexuality be excluded from the same influences?

When I came face to face with that last question it hit me like a ton of bricks; sexuality should not be excluded.  OUCH, I am not gonna lie that smacked and took my breath away the first time the thought occurred.

Here is where I made the internal switch, OK, if this is true then how should I break this down?

I returned once again to Psalms 139 with a different attitude not trying to prove I was right about God creating me gay, but honestly seeking answers.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.  Psalm 139:13-16a NLT

Was it true that God created me a woman intentionally? What was the purpose behind this?  What had gone wrong in my world?

I returned to another key verse to direct the next leg of my journey.  The following was the promise that Jesus made to leave us the Holy Spirit.

16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. 17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. John 14:16-17 NLT

I have held on that verse from the beginning of this journey.  Along with another one found just a few verses later in the same text.

25-27“I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught.  John 14:25-27 the Message

I have desired truth from the very beginning of my journey.  I also wanted to receive the peace offered to me in the last passage.  Pure truth mandates a response. We either agree with it or we reject it.  There is no neutral ground, no gray areas, and no compromise.  If we want peace of mind we must resolve what we will do with the truth; and be content with the outcome of our choices.  This is crucial!

Truth can make us uncomfortable. Truth can be hard to side with when it means you are in the minority.  Yet the reality is we either accept it or reject.

On a personal level the evidence of God’s word (the Bible) was stronger than my own arguments.  I was challenged to both wholly embrace it and resolve my questions or reject it and return to what was comfortable and familiar to me.

God was winning and I was ever so slowly yielding more of myself and my thoughts to Him.

I welcome your comments, thoughts and or questions!

~ by hopespassage on April 28, 2012.

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