I Am Hope.

Recently I discovered that name Hope is derived from the Hebrew word EL’ADAH (אֶלְעָדָה) whom God puts on. In Greek it translates to the word expectation.  I have been reflecting on why I choose the name Hope; perhaps it is related to the expectation of knowing I was meant to be loved and cherished by someone. I think on another level to put on means to in a  literal sense to place something such as a piece of clothing upon our person.  In a figurative sense it is to embrace who God has intended us to be “His children” and live out our lives with purpose and meaning.

I have been reflecting more on my name change and change in general the last few days.  My life has been chucked full of changes since I initially surrendered my life to Jesus in February 2009.   I have moved halfway across the country from the Pacific Northwest to East Texas. The physical and climate differences are dramatic; as are the cultural and political landscapes.

How I relate to people and spirituality has changed as well.  I once related to people from need primarily even when I didn’t there was so much pain in my life it was hard to give anything healthy to others.  I think perhaps my world views on spirituality and sexuality have undergone the most extraordinary transformations of all. I think I am the one who is most taken by these internal changes.  There truly are days I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person staring back at me; although I am growing to like this person I see more and more.

I know that the root cause of my identity struggles is related to sin.  Sin has included the dominance of my parents selfish desires imposed upon me.  Those violations have gravely impacted my person-hood.   However I have made some very willful choices to ignore and reject Gods will for my own life and those choices have negatively affected me relationally.

I will be the first to tell you I do not think sexuality is a willful choice and if you have read this blog for any period of time I do think that sexuality is a complex combination of personality, environment, choices, and perspective. While I no longer identify primarily as a lesbian, I do believe sexuality is fluid in nature and because we live in a sin-filled world sin has a strong influence upon our identities and relationships.

At the core of sin is humanity’s inability to live life with Gods intent for us. It began in the Garden with Adam and Eve who choose to disobey God and became their own gods.  Unfortunately we humans have inherited that trait of living out of the will of God and pleasing ourselves.  Hence sin carries on from one generation to the next.

Sin has weakened our moral resolve overall and we humans are far more driven by our needs, pleasures and feelings.  As you may recall my friend Ricky Chelette from Living Hope Ministries (click here to find out more) says “Life is not about what you feel, but what you decide.”  We all have choices.  Personally I will defend to death a person’s right to choose what they believe and who they perceive themselves to be.  God certainly does. So much so that he sent His son Jesus to redeem us from our selfish wills and acts of disobedience.  If He didn’t, we would all be nothing more than puppets on string controlled by a cruel puppet master.  We are free to choose to embrace God, how he views us and fashion our lives in accordance with the Bible or we are free live as we wish and be who we choose to be.

Yes this is my shirt and yes I have worn it in public!


For me I have chosen to put on my true identity and embrace being Gods daughter.  While my sexuality is a part of me, it now plays a secondary role in my life. My name is Hope I am daughter of God who has choosen to put my true identity on.

I welcome your input and comments,


~ by hopespassage on July 21, 2012.

6 Responses to “I Am Hope.”

  1. My name is Sue and I am proud to be another daughter of the King who is grateful to be a forever friend of Hope. 🙂

    • Sue so glad to have you in my life and thankful that this once loud and proud lesbian has found a true friend and mentor a lover of Jesus and one who loves all things pink.

  2. Excellent writing!! We all have a purpose, and a task to perform, but most of all, We are children of God!! Way to go Sis.

  3. Now that Exodus International no longer believes gays can change, what are you going to do?

    • Chaz

      Interesting comment, what are you basing your statement on?

      Let me state that my faith and personal relationship with Jesus are not based on What Exodus International, or any other organization may or may not believe. So then why would that sway me to change the path I am on now? Ultimately it is between me and God where I find my identity.

      Would love to hear your response

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