Hopespassage In Retrospect.


It’s hard to believe that just over a year ago I started this blog.  I honestly didn’t know why I felt so impressed to write about my journey to resolve my faith and sexuality.

Let me start by saying this has been a deeply personal chaotic experience for me to put down into written word the process I have been traveling thorough. If for no other reason,  this blog has been insightful for me .   The injuries associated with the car accident back in 2006 and subsequent medications rendered my writing and reading skills useless for the most part.  I do believe that God has been restoring that ability along the way.  While I may not be as great of an editor or writer as I once was I feel much more confident in my skills than I did a year ago.

Where the real impact for me has been  for me to reconcile  myself with the Bible on the issues of my own sexuality.  Secondly to come to terms with being a woman.  Lastly to get at the root causes of of my sexual and relational brokenness.  I would say I have progressed forward in all these areas and and beginning to experience  deep healing and personal growth spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.  I am a work in progress !

The transformation that has moved me from fighting to tooth and nail to hang on to my sexuality to surrendering my sexuality that is a miracle in and of itself.  As I have finally started to deal with the horrific wounds of my childhood I am understanding the power of releasing my expectations of needing a father and mother and belonging to someone.  I searched high low to be accepted by others and over the course of time yielded my own person hood to others; in the hope of being loved and accepted held and comforted.   My most intimate relationships never  fulfilled those expectations.  Most often I turned to my lovers and partners because they had qualities of womanhood I sorely lacked and in-turn they saw qualities they were lacking.

In February of 2009 when I became a Christian I encountered peace as I began to follow Jesus.  By surrendering areas of my life, I have  discovered unconditional love and acceptance.  It cost me a great deal to even begin my walk as a Christian  my long-term relationship, many friendships,  a move from the goregeous Pacific North West to Land locked East Texas.   Was it worth it absolutely did I think it was crazy to do it…YES I did.    In retrospect I do not regret the choices I made or the God I now serve.  His hand has been on my life in the last three and half years.

It’s all about the journey

He has given me a new community of friends some of whom I consider to be like family.  Coming to terms with my past and sexuality has been the most cumbersome  task I have ever encountered.  However I do know it has been a necessary challenge to face.

So Happy Birthday Hopespassage I am glad I took the risk and shared my experiences in the last year.  I look forward to continuing the journey.

I will be unplugging from the web  for a week and will be responding to your comments on Saturday August 11.

I look forward to your thoughts and comments.

The Journey continues,

Hope

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~ by hopespassage on August 2, 2012.

2 Responses to “Hopespassage In Retrospect.”

  1. Rock on! I’ve been on much of the same journey – although so tough, it’s also so very worth it! Philipians 1:6 “…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

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