The Fine Art of Letting Go


Over the last week or so I have been reflecting on the act of letting go and living with a surrendered heart.  My reflections have come as a result of being invited to  become a member of a book launch team for Mary DeMuth’ s  new book “Everything.”   The focus of the book is learning to live with Jesus as our “everything.”

It has struck me in the last few days that over the last three and half years my life has been a series of surrendering and letting go.  First I surrendered my life to Jesus and let go of a long term relationship with my partner.  I can’t adequately express how deeply painful that was to sever the bond but I knew Jesus beckoned me to surrender and follow Him.   Even so that has been a process of small acts of letting go.  This last March I finally was able to entrust my former partner in to God’s hands and completely let go. Here is a poem I wrote in the midst of this process.

One Last Picture

Today I parted with one last picture of you

It is more than just you it is with all I believed to be true.

We shared a life that wasn’t right

And now it has passed into the night.

When I let go of you, part of me vanished too.

So, enmeshed so entwined in our neediness.

We strove to become one flesh

We fought like hell to remain individuals.

Did I truly love you?

If love seeks to complete the part of me that lacks, then

yes I loved you.

If love seeks to complement and build the other towards their destiny,

then no I did not love you.

How could we have believed that we completed each other?

What a burden and expectation we demanded of one another.

Today, I let go of the idolatrous image I held of you.

The picture I held of you wasn’t true;

the last image, I see of you now is broken and wounded too.

As agonizing as letting her go was; it pales in comparison to the act of surrendering my identity and sexuality.  Hiding behind the veil of lesbianism protected me from more inner pain and turmoil it helped me to control who came close and who was banned from my inner world.  Mary says in “Everything” of control “It’s the thing we crave, grab at, sacrifice much of our hearts to have.” (Everything page 76) I would concur that this has been true in my own life; in every intimate relationship I have engaged in I sacrificed much of my own person hood in order to hold on to those who I thought would complete me and fill the voids in my own life.  Surrendering my sexual identity and embracing the new identity as God’s child has brought the completeness I have searched for over the span of 50 plus years.   Jesus is becoming my “everything” more and more each day.

If you liked what I shared from  Mary Demuths’ new book Everything click here to to preview the book for yourself

Look forward to your thoughts and questions as my journey continues as I embrace the act of surrender.

Hope

Advertisements

~ by hopespassage on August 10, 2012.

2 Responses to “The Fine Art of Letting Go”

  1. powerful!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: