Identity is “Everything”


In a recent conversation with someone I shared that I once found my primary identity as lesbian; their immediate response was “shut-up” quickly followed by well how is it possible for you to change that.  My response was it’s not that black and white going from gay to straight.  I think it is erroneous to emphasis sexuality as the key component of our identity.  Although I once thought it was the most important aspect of who I was.

Identity is so crucial to our personhood; if we don’t know who we are then our security, purpose, and meaning are profoundly affected.  I have found this to be true in my own life experience. My parents had rejected me because I was born a girl; I felt grave in-securities about my body, gender and personhood. In addition I was not connected to either of my parents our interactions were dominated by sexual abuse and neglect.  Subconsciously, I equated sex and love/affection as one in the same.  For me sex was the currency I gave in exchange for love, acceptance and affection.  That has been a big revelation for me.  Consciously, I closed myself off from trusting them or others.

The walls surrounding my true self and soul could easily be likened to impenetrability of Fort Knox!

Fort Knox the United States Bullion Depository has a solid granite wall perimeter guarded by squadrons of machine gun wielding guards; its blast doors weigh in at a hefty 22 tons and is held shut by a lock so intricate that it requires a 10 person team to unlock.

Let’s just say trust doesn’t come easy to me.  It has been a radical positional change to learn to entrust every aspect of my life to Jesus and God the father.  Then to learn to engage with the community of believers he has placed in my life.  At this point you are probably asking alright Hope, what do those two things have to do with identity?

The answer is both simple and complex “EVERYTHING”.  At the point we surrender the eternity of our lives to Jesus we are adopted into Gods family.  However for many of us we are use to not having healthy or no parental figures in our lives and feel alone and not a part of or belonging to anyone. It takes time to call and trust him as a father and to feel that we are his children.

In order to heal from my painful past, I have discovered that building relationships and being connected to others is as essential to me as air and water are to my body. I have only known unhealthy ways of relating to others especially women.  It takes time learn new ways of relating and building healthy relationships.  At the core of every intimate unhealthy relationship was a desire to be connected and to be loved and affirmed by my partners.  Where the unhealthy took over was looking to them to be my sole source of life and a willingness to surrender my personhood to them.

The reality is only Jesus can meet our deepest needs and unless we discover how to allow him to satisfy our desires and core needs we will never be whole or completed by another person.  I am learning He must be my primary relationship and then I am then able to relate to others in a healthy manner.

Can my identity be transformed, I think so if I am willing to surrender how I meet my needs and embrace my God intended identity as his child.  I love what author Mary DeMuth says in her new book “Everything”… “God taking parts of ourselves and remaking them into something different.  We die to our wounds so that He can resurrect newness of life, joy and connectedness with others.”(page 105)  I believe the most essential part of my identity is found in my relationship with God the father and His son Jesus; without them I can never be truly complete, fulfilled or whole.  We are made for relationship!

Thank you for joining my journey, I look forward to your comments,

Hope

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~ by hopespassage on August 17, 2012.

18 Responses to “Identity is “Everything””

  1. Hope, my heart breaks for the childhood you endured. Your words here, so real and unfiltered strike me in the soft spots of my faith, my heart, my understanding of God’s grace and mercy… You have been given much wisdom already into the past, and how it has shaped you, your faith, your personal value and sense of self-worth…. just thank you for your honesty, for your willingness to lay it plain. I am praying for you, as you journey through this life, making Jesus your everything. It’s so much harder than it sounds–at least I think so. (I’m also on the launch team, which is how I found this post, blessed to serve along side you. )

    • Thank you Kris for your prayers and encouraging words, and your welcome. It is hard but not impossible and pressing into who God wants me to be is worth the surrender, worth the pain and worth Him being my “Everything”

  2. I am sure it took a lot of courage to write this post. Not just the courage to write it where everyone could read it, but courage simply to speak all these words to yourself. I am blessed by reading your post, as I am blessed by reading Mary’s book. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am on a journey of my own that goes all the way back to childhood, and sometimes I feel discouraged because it is so hard to give up my right to be hurt. Your story encourages me and reminds me that I truly must make Jesus my everything.
    Thank you.

    • Kathrine,
      Thank you for your kind words and yes facing the truth of who God created me to be has been the most difficult and beautiful experience I have ever had. Facing the pain of my past has spurred more growth in me in the last few months then my 52 years of life. I have to remember to invite Jesus into my pain and rise up to the healing he beckons me to.

  3. Hope,
    This is a beautiful story of God’s grace and mercy. I’m grateful to be on the Everything Team with you!
    ~Heidi

  4. Your words are cool water to a thirsty soul. Thanks.

  5. I wholeheartedly agree that identity must first be settled by resting in Jesus as our everything. He sees. Be encouraged. And He will fill the holes left behind by abuse.

  6. Hope, I prayed for you again today that Abba would hold you close and snuggle you close to His heart, healing your deep wounds with His love. I know He loves you dearly because He puts some of it in my heart and lets me love you with it. 🙂

  7. Hope, I am thrilled how you are letting God work in your life. I too, am so sorry for the childhood you had to grow up in, but thank God, you have seen the light and you are walking towards it. We all have things in our lives that we wished we could undo, but that is what had made us the person we are. The choices we make now are the ones that will count for eternity. I feel you are making the right choice, in following God. I pray that you will build a relationship with Him, that is second to none. Let Him lead, and you follow. Let God be God, as we serve Him here on earth. We will someday receive our reward, and what a blessed day it will be. Even though we may never meet here, I look forward to sharing eternity with you!

    • Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and prayers Jeff. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that building a relationship with Jesus is the only path that leads to a full and real life.

  8. Hope!! I found you!!..of course that sounds a bit stalker like!. It’s me “Sunshyn”..Lauren. Im not so sure if you remember me or not however our paths crossed almost exactly two years ago. I had just learned that I didn’t have the ” Gay Gene” and was starting my journey out of the chains of my past and into my new life in relationship with Jesus Christ. Your words, your truths, your journey were such an inspiration to me…they still are. Our truths were pretty close in so many ways. God moved me from the east coast smack dab in the middle of Corn country USA. I had just been saved after living a life of atheism for almost 20 years. Anyway..if any of the rings a bell and you remember me..I just wanted to say Hi and honestly say your Blog just gives me so much hope, peace and comfort knowing that I am still not alone on this journey. I don’t know if I can mention the site and people that were so amazing, and such a blessing to my life. I haven’t been there in probably a year. I think pride kept me away because I felt that so much time had gone by..well..you know. Anyway..Please know that you are and were such an inspiration in my life. ~ smiles~

    • Lauren

      Of course I remember you! Our lives have way to much in common not to remember you. I wondered if that was you when I saw you liked a couple of posts. I was waiting to hear back from SueBee and D’ before I responded. They both they would love to see you back on the forums and so would I. I want to honor the boundaries established in the forums so come back and we can dialog. So glad to hear from you and you have been missed. Hope you will comeback soon.

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