Brokenness Through, Sweat, and Tears

Since last September I experienced a great deal of personal growth.  I realized my weight was completely out of control I was beginning to resemble a beached whale and something needed to change.  So I started working out 3-5 times a week.   To date I have lost 90 pounds and workout five to six times a week.  My overall goal is 150 pounds.  The net result of all this has been I feel great I have more energy and my general health has improved and I am starting to resemble a human being again.  However my inner being was far more unhealthy and looked like a toxic waste dump.

Taking the necessary steps towards healing has required facing the pain and fears of my childhood.  While it has always been present I have rarely acknowledged its presence much less its impact on me.  Allowing the pain and fears to surface has been a daunting task most often I have wanted to turn tail and run back to my coping mechanisms.  My emotions have been safely locked and guarded in the inner sanctum of my soul.  Well, let me restate that many of my emotions have been held at bay; however the one that has been ever present is anger.  My anger was an effective motivator in the arena social justice gay rights venues.  Facing my fears and subsequent pain has been  necessary; as well as allowing my emotions in their rawest form to emerge.  Mainly in the form of tears; from childhood on I lived by an unspoken code to never express emotion or weakness.   This code served me well as a lesbian and I shared this commonality with other butch women.  I am sure there is book out there about the subject; the title probably is “Butch/Boi Girls Don’t Cry

I have never wanted to admit that I might be a damaged or broken person.  Oh boy has that been an uphill battle to come to a place of acceptance with .  Mary DeMuth (Click here to discover more about Mary) in her upcoming book title “Everything” says “Brokenness is the avenue for God to work.” (Everything page 110)    Mary also shares that “I must be broken to be reshaped.  I must be cracked before the repair.  And the repair, painful as it is, makes God stronger in me.” (Everything page 111)  The one thing I have learned is that by embracing my brokenness I have gained a more accurate view of who I really am and my need for someone bigger than myself to heal and direct my life.  That someone is Jesus.

It has been even harder to allow Jesus to take my pain and allow the tears to flow.  In the last few days I have recognized a powerful correlation between sweat and tears they release harmful toxins from my body.   My good friend Sue Bohlin (click here to discover more about Sue) says “that tears are attached to soul pain.  As tears leave our bodies so does the pain and grief.”

One of the most touching verses in the Bible to me is Psalms 56:8 NLT

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

So my sweat is allowing me to release the fat and toxins trapped in my body and my tears are cleansing me of the toxic pain stored within me over the course of a lifetime.  I am so glad I have come to a place of brokenness.

I welcome and look forward to your comments,

The journey continues,

Hope

I invite you to pre-order Mary DeMuth’s new book “Everything” here.

~ by hopespassage on August 25, 2012.