Why Look Beyond Sexuality
For the last week or so my heart has been filled with empathy for many young lesbians that seem to be coming across my path these days. I don’t pity them at all. I don’t hold malice for their expression of sexuality. I seem to be seeing beyond the outward appearances. I am seeing a craving, a longing for acceptance, a longing to find themselves in relationship with other women. I also see needs driven by defensive behaviors because they are doing what comes natural to them. What they see themselves as created to be. I really get that!
In contrast I have seen several older lesbians walking around with a bitter edge oozing from their beings. That persona seems to scream stay the hell away from me, I have been hurt, misunderstood and I have nothing left to give. My heart breaks every time I have this encounter. Oh my wounded sisters I wish there was a way to convey to you the healing I have found in a true relationship with Jesus. I know I was spiraling at a rapid speed down this path to join the ranks of the walking wounded.
The anger that dwelt within me permeated every aspect of my life. I have discovered that the anger was only an outward expression of deep seated fears; I was wounded for not being understood, heard and for being born the wrong gender. I couldn’t relate to other girls and women in the culturally acceptable ways. If there was a God at all he made a mistake in allowing me to be born a woman. I also was of the belief that my Same Sex attractions were part of his design. So you see my friends to write to you as a Christian is not a pronouncement of judgment; in the last three and half years I have been on a journey to look beyond the obvious of what has felt natural to me. I have chosen not to be influenced by the voices that shout loudly it’s a matter of choice. I have chosen to go directly to the source God Himself and invite Him into the process and show me what is true about sexuality.
More often than not I found myself in place of offense by many statements made by members of both communities. I have determined that really all that matters is Gods view and what He has said in the Bible. Yes we can pick and choose what we want to believe and we can each twist and turn it to fit our own worldview. I would say all of us no matter how what we think about sexuality tend to do so. In my studies I have concluded there is a third alternative. This perspective includes elements of sin (knowing the right thing to do and not doing it.) Even when it goes against what feels natural. It includes a component of deception; I believe the one who tells humanity lies is the devil. No not the horned dressed in red guy with a pitchfork we see frequently depicted in our culture. But rather a fallen angel who strove to become god and now is Gods arch enemy.
His motive is to destroy all that God holds dear to Himself. My friends every person ever born; which includes you and me are Gods most treasured creations. The greatest victory the enemy of God and of your soul can achieve is “to convince you that you are someone other than who God created you to be.” Patrick Payton The enemy of our soul rejoices in our rejection of our true identity. He dances when we blame God for designing us as the wrong gender. When we chose second best in our relationships and give into his deceit that only the same gender is for us he wins and imprisons our minds, emotions and body. That angers me and it should anger you enough to search out the truth yourself.
In closing today I want to share a passage from the Bible I recently read I John 3:19-21(Common English Bible) 19 We know that we belong to the truth, and we feel at ease in the presence of God. 20 But even if we don’t feel at ease, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. 21 Dear friends, if we feel at ease in the presence of God, we will have the courage to come near Him.
I invite you to join my journey resolve your faith and identity, to engage in honest conversation with God. Your comments and thoughts are always welcome friends.